well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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