So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
We need to get me chipped asap
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
