i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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