I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
