Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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