I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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