Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Reggie can tackle my bush.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
