Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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