We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.