I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"