Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.