Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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