if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...