You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.