Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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