She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
I hate when you're right.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.