if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend