We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
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i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
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Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐