1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
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dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
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But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
It's blow job season.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.