Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
