I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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