He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
We are two peas in an std pod
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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