I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
