Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
