I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
