i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
