Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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