he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
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He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
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lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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