She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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