so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
only if we run a train.
done.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
