come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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