I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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