I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
