Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
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