I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
