First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
BRING THE BAGELS
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
