I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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