My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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