It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
