Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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