that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?