when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.