Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
