Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.