Texts From Last Night

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  (541): View more from Oregon

  Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.

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  (541): Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia. http://tfl.nu/enyb
  Replies (14) Good night (1272) Bad night (2282)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.

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  (717): everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve. http://tfl.nu/thtu
  Replies (9) Good night (901) Bad night (3220)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous

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  (608): I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous http://tfl.nu/1bk0
  Replies (14) Good night (5519) Bad night (620)
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.

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  (865): I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is. http://tfl.nu/unb6
  Replies (13) Good night (4965) Bad night (1476)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?

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  (775): Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again? http://tfl.nu/oao4
  Replies (20) Good night (1210) Bad night (7663)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.

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  (407): I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying. http://tfl.nu/u472
  Replies (30) Good night (9281) Bad night (1242)
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  (707): View more from California

  He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.

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  (707): He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk. http://tfl.nu/vg98
  Replies (18) Good night (962) Bad night (5967)
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  (806): View more from Texas

  Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep

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  (806): Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep http://tfl.nu/b11i
  Replies (8) Good night (2002) Bad night (944)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.

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  (740): This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod. http://tfl.nu/pyaj
  Replies (9) Good night (1941) Bad night (727)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.

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  (918): Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want. http://tfl.nu/d7n8
  Replies (4) Good night (1608) Bad night (565)
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  (434): View more from Virginia

  We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.

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  (434): We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them. http://tfl.nu/odfm
  Replies (4) Good night (1242) Bad night (576)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!

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  (412): The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!! http://tfl.nu/4cxl
  Replies (7) Good night (832) Bad night (1102)
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  (310): View more from California

  Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?

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  (310): Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH? http://tfl.nu/yzjc
  Replies (4) Good night (671) Bad night (366)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?

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  (330): Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn? http://tfl.nu/96yy
  Replies (7) Good night (514) Bad night (505)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!

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  (218): Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them! http://tfl.nu/cqdf
  Replies (1) Good night (826) Bad night (468)

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