Texts From Last Night

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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good

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  (978): Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good http://tfl.nu/k903
  Replies (111) Good night (29726) Bad night (1255)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.

  (1-972): View more from Texas

  I want to be a cop.

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  (972): I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party. (1-972): I want to be a cop. http://tfl.nu/ucz6
  Replies (104) Good night (23833) Bad night (958)
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.

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  (504): Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex. http://tfl.nu/adpf
  Replies (157) Good night (31768) Bad night (1339)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.

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  (402): Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth. http://tfl.nu/qs80
  Replies (10) Good night (3247) Bad night (911)
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  i wish peter jackson would direct porn

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  (715): i wish peter jackson would direct porn http://tfl.nu/76vz
  Replies (14) Good night (3847) Bad night (732)
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  (416): View more from Ontario

  So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.

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  (416): So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying. http://tfl.nu/y4gl
  Replies (91) Good night (2017) Bad night (9781)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.

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  (734): I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather. http://tfl.nu/4j7n
  Replies (5) Good night (4403) Bad night (1009)
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  (518): View more from New York

  Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.

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  (518): Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen. http://tfl.nu/qer2
  Replies (25) Good night (5052) Bad night (910)
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.

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  (740): I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving. http://tfl.nu/pyht
  Replies (10) Good night (4126) Bad night (1074)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"

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  (402): So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October" http://tfl.nu/8ift
  Replies (8) Good night (4015) Bad night (920)
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Challenge Accepted

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  (216): Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight (440): Challenge Accepted http://tfl.nu/bdzo
  Replies (11) Good night (2434) Bad night (661)
• Favorite

  (623): View more from Arizona

  At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.

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  (623): At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside. http://tfl.nu/tt6u
  Replies (7) Good night (847) Bad night (396)
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?

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  (765): So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell? http://tfl.nu/75pe
  Replies (4) Good night (201) Bad night (433)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.

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  (330): It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is. http://tfl.nu/7216
  Replies (1) Good night (282) Bad night (223)
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.

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  (209): Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment. http://tfl.nu/nr87
  Replies (2) Good night (558) Bad night (276)

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