I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
