Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
