...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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