Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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