My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I need mimosas to revive my soul
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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