I love having hate sex.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Randomize
