Walk of Shame. In a state park.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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