Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
