Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Randomize
