Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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