i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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