Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
