I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
