I met the friendliest cop last night
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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