we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
