We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
