Tell her she can't have a vagina
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
