halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
