I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
