I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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