you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
