wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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