When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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