I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize