Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
