In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
