Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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