sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
