i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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