Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
