i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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