my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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