just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Randomize
