I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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