i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize