u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
