You can't motorboat a personality
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
did i walk over a car last night?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
