last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
