i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
