I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize