I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
